I went to UNCW. You’re not alone, friend. I ache for the girl I was. Proud of the woman I became. I hope to instill something different in my own daughter. Younger us did the best they could with what they had. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this!! I agree with you. Having a daughter is one of the main reasons I am working through it all. I want to heal the parts of me I have kept hidden for a long time ❤️
Oh Wes! Thank you for saying this. I feel like I carry so much shame about it. Everyone says how much they loveddddd college and it just wasn’t that way for me. 100% agree that life experience is the best teacher. I also believe that suffering is the best teacher of wisdom.
I did exact the same thing. Dropped out of Michigan State after two years, traveled Europe, moved to Europe, then came home and graduated 10 years after high school. Never really fit in. Did love the school though.
I am a 70-year-old father of two daughters and five granddaughters. My daughters took two completely different paths, with different outcomes, but I am pleased to admit that they turned out well. I look forward to hearing the rest of your story. Oh, and I would have been honored to have you as a daughter.
Wayne, the last sentence made me tear up!!! 🥹 I appreciate your kindness. I am glad to hear both of your daughters turned out well- -not surprised though. Having wonderful parents is such a blessing in this life- and you sound like a great father and grandfather!! Thinking of the next generation of young women (like your granddaughters) is why I feel called to share my story. Thank you so much for reading! ❤️
As someone whose college experience was also the darkest years of her life, I appreciate this vulnerability. I think college was such a "do or die" decision to make years ago, and I'm happy to see things are changing for the generations to come. It's not for everyone. ❤️
100%. I also think more people are being vocal about their challenges in college. For forever I thought not having “the best 4 years of my life” during college meant something was wrong with me. I think it’s way more common than we realize. Here’s to making it through 🥂
Anxiety and new things, anxiety and old things, anxiety and routines. I dug out but it took years, my daughter I am hoping she can avoid the same. She elected to do the first two years locally so she didn’t have to make leaps. Second year we have moved her to an apartment a mile away to practice being gone. Next year she feels she will be ready to leave for college. Everyone has to forge their own path but for those of us who don’t do it the same as everyone else, it can feel like we carry some weird shame of failure!
College was a completely different experience for me, but you are a good writer and I love that you are unravelling the past and trying to make sense of it.
Jaden, thank you so much for reading!! You nailed it—when we ignore our true selves, we suffer deeply. I hope to trust my inner knowing as confidently as you do one day. You’re truly an inspiration!
Leaving home is a bigger transition than I think a lot of people realize. It also depends on the kid. My older sisters had no trouble at all, but it was incredibly difficult for me. I think keeping the conversation open and normalizing that not everyone sees it as the “best 4 years of their life” is important. They are lucky they have a father already thinking about their future. I will be wishing the best for them!!
Aw man, as a UNC prof I hate to hear this, because I always want my students to feel good about their time on campus. But as a fellow former pre-med I totally get it. I use to die a little in shame every time someone told me that college was supposed to be the best 4 years of my life. In hindsight, though, I realize that that is an absolute wild thing to say! How depressing to think that you’re about to have the best four years of your life and then it’s all over by the time you’re 22 years . Thank God it wasn’t!
I went to college in NYC (I’m from California) and it was a HUGE challenge for me. I cried constantly freshman year because I missed my family — my sense of home. Being an introvert, I struggled to make friends. Everyone seemed to have it easier; to be having The Best Time while I was having a Very Hard Time.
I think I’m just now coming to terms with the fact that college wasn’t the experience I thought it would be — and that’s okay. It’s four years out of a very long life. We give it so much weight.
Haha!! Seriously! The hike from south campus to Franklin and then standing in them for every house visit is wildddd! I often wondered if everyone else thought they were comfortable 🤪
I had the same conversation with my parents -- for different reasons -- and it was while I was still living at home (I picked a local college). But my parents told me I could leave if I wanted to (always grateful they left that on the table). I opted to stay, and I used the experience to help all my younger friends (mostly met through message boards and other online forums) avoid some of my mistakes or cope with some of the things I had gone through. I hope your posts help with the same! I'm sure it was tough to mentally "go back there" -- especially for those of us with perfectionism and anxiety! Thanks for sharing.
I went to UNCW. You’re not alone, friend. I ache for the girl I was. Proud of the woman I became. I hope to instill something different in my own daughter. Younger us did the best they could with what they had. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this!! I agree with you. Having a daughter is one of the main reasons I am working through it all. I want to heal the parts of me I have kept hidden for a long time ❤️
Keep writing! I know you will! ❤️
It was a nightmare for me, too. I ended up dropping out and traveling, starting a business, etc. Life experience is the best teacher.
I did go back and graduate by about age 30, but I’m glad I took the different route.
Oh Wes! Thank you for saying this. I feel like I carry so much shame about it. Everyone says how much they loveddddd college and it just wasn’t that way for me. 100% agree that life experience is the best teacher. I also believe that suffering is the best teacher of wisdom.
I did exact the same thing. Dropped out of Michigan State after two years, traveled Europe, moved to Europe, then came home and graduated 10 years after high school. Never really fit in. Did love the school though.
It sounds like you were called to a very exciting adventure instead. I believe that traveling can give us an incredible education by itself ❤️
Sarah-Frances,
I am a 70-year-old father of two daughters and five granddaughters. My daughters took two completely different paths, with different outcomes, but I am pleased to admit that they turned out well. I look forward to hearing the rest of your story. Oh, and I would have been honored to have you as a daughter.
Wayne, the last sentence made me tear up!!! 🥹 I appreciate your kindness. I am glad to hear both of your daughters turned out well- -not surprised though. Having wonderful parents is such a blessing in this life- and you sound like a great father and grandfather!! Thinking of the next generation of young women (like your granddaughters) is why I feel called to share my story. Thank you so much for reading! ❤️
As someone whose college experience was also the darkest years of her life, I appreciate this vulnerability. I think college was such a "do or die" decision to make years ago, and I'm happy to see things are changing for the generations to come. It's not for everyone. ❤️
100%. I also think more people are being vocal about their challenges in college. For forever I thought not having “the best 4 years of my life” during college meant something was wrong with me. I think it’s way more common than we realize. Here’s to making it through 🥂
Anxiety and new things, anxiety and old things, anxiety and routines. I dug out but it took years, my daughter I am hoping she can avoid the same. She elected to do the first two years locally so she didn’t have to make leaps. Second year we have moved her to an apartment a mile away to practice being gone. Next year she feels she will be ready to leave for college. Everyone has to forge their own path but for those of us who don’t do it the same as everyone else, it can feel like we carry some weird shame of failure!
Absolutely. My hope is that the more we talk about these things openly, the more realize we aren’t alone in it. Shame loses its power when shared!
College was a completely different experience for me, but you are a good writer and I love that you are unravelling the past and trying to make sense of it.
It was for my sisters too!! And they were just a few years older. I guess we each have to take our own path. Thank you for the compliment!!
Wow…
This is a remarkable piece Sarah.
Packed full of vulnerability & a perfect display of the heavy price to pay for not trusting our inner knowing.
Getting on the rest now 👩🏽💻
Jaden, thank you so much for reading!! You nailed it—when we ignore our true selves, we suffer deeply. I hope to trust my inner knowing as confidently as you do one day. You’re truly an inspiration!
You definitely will Sarah!! You’re on the path & you’re putting in the work!
I still got a lot to work to do myself, but I’m honored that I can be a beacon of inspiration for you 🙏🏽❤️
Very interesting. I went to college in my home town and never had this experience. With teenage kids it’s something I wonder about for their futures.
Leaving home is a bigger transition than I think a lot of people realize. It also depends on the kid. My older sisters had no trouble at all, but it was incredibly difficult for me. I think keeping the conversation open and normalizing that not everyone sees it as the “best 4 years of their life” is important. They are lucky they have a father already thinking about their future. I will be wishing the best for them!!
I loved this story so much! College was also the worst 2 years of my life (still have to finish). Great writing 🤍
Thank you for your vulnerability.
Thank you sooo much for taking the time to read ❤️
Im currently in college! And this story has got me on awe. My experience was so different. Thank you for sharing this!
Of course! I am starting to realize how common it is
Aw man, as a UNC prof I hate to hear this, because I always want my students to feel good about their time on campus. But as a fellow former pre-med I totally get it. I use to die a little in shame every time someone told me that college was supposed to be the best 4 years of my life. In hindsight, though, I realize that that is an absolute wild thing to say! How depressing to think that you’re about to have the best four years of your life and then it’s all over by the time you’re 22 years . Thank God it wasn’t!
What do you teach?? My husband is working on getting his PhD at UNC right now.
And I agree. The golden days are ahead of me 🙌🙌
I’m in the school of public health- I do food and nutrition!
I went to college in NYC (I’m from California) and it was a HUGE challenge for me. I cried constantly freshman year because I missed my family — my sense of home. Being an introvert, I struggled to make friends. Everyone seemed to have it easier; to be having The Best Time while I was having a Very Hard Time.
I think I’m just now coming to terms with the fact that college wasn’t the experience I thought it would be — and that’s okay. It’s four years out of a very long life. We give it so much weight.
YES! I also am just now letting myself come to terms with it too. I packed it away for many years before processing it all
College was a struggle for me as well. It wasn't until I went to grad school that I finally felt like I had hit my stride.
SAME! Graduate school was a totally different experience for me, too. Grateful it’s all behind me though lol
I don't miss exams and papers that's for sure!
Agreed. Not having homework is such a gift lol
I’ll never forget those Jack Rogers blisters!! Never again.
Haha!! Seriously! The hike from south campus to Franklin and then standing in them for every house visit is wildddd! I often wondered if everyone else thought they were comfortable 🤪
I had the same conversation with my parents -- for different reasons -- and it was while I was still living at home (I picked a local college). But my parents told me I could leave if I wanted to (always grateful they left that on the table). I opted to stay, and I used the experience to help all my younger friends (mostly met through message boards and other online forums) avoid some of my mistakes or cope with some of the things I had gone through. I hope your posts help with the same! I'm sure it was tough to mentally "go back there" -- especially for those of us with perfectionism and anxiety! Thanks for sharing.