When Smart, Strong Women Fall Into Narcissistic Abuse: Why It's Not Your Fault (And How to Trust Yourself Again)
I never thought I'd share my story about narcissistic abuse.
For years, I carried shame—how could someone like me end up in that kind of relationship? But after my conversation with Dr. Melissa Kalt, a leading expert in narcissistic abuse recovery, I realized this experience doesn't make me weak. It makes me human.
Here's what shocked me most: high-achieving women, especially primary breadwinners, are seven times more likely to experience relationship abuse. We're not falling into these relationships because we're broken—we're being targeted precisely because of our strengths.
Show Notes
[00:00] - Why This Conversation Matters
Smart, successful people can and do experience narcissistic abuse
Shame keeps abuse hidden and perpetuates cycles of silence
Personal vulnerability creates space for others to recognize their experiences
[07:00] - Three Types of Narcissists
Overt: Flashy, obviously self-important, status-focused
Covert: Self-deprecating, vulnerable, present as "trying to be better"
Malignant: Have antisocial traits, more deliberately harmful
All share core traits: living from a false persona and needing external validation
[22:00] - Trauma Bonding: The Addiction That Keeps You Hooked
Created through love bombing plus repetitive abuse—like a slot machine
They target your specific vulnerabilities to maximize impact
Breaking the bond requires understanding what made you susceptible
[32:00] - Why High Achievers Are Prime Targets
Success and resources increase their status and provide practical benefits
Empathy becomes a weapon used against you
People-pleasing and poor boundaries make you an ideal victim
[40:00] - Trusting Your Body and Recognizing Red Flags
Learn to name manipulation tactics to remove their power
Your body delivers messages through symptoms—listen to the discomfort
Healthy relationships should not be consistently painful or draining
Key Quotes
"Despite being trained as a medical doctor... it took several therapists telling me that I was experiencing narcissistic abuse." - Dr. Melissa Kalt
"When you can say, 'oh, that was just triangulation,' it's incredibly empowering because then you know it wasn't about you." - Dr. Melissa Kalt
"Don't fall in love with potential—it just doesn't love you back." - Sarah-Frances McCormick
Where to Find Dr. Melissa Kalt
Sustainably You - Her main platform for narcissistic abuse recovery
Anti-Fragile Academy - Specialized programs for high-achieving women
Substack: Stepping Into the Light, & Am I the problem?
The Path Forward: From Survival to Self-Trust
If this conversation resonated with you, you're not alone. The work of rebuilding your relationship with yourself—learning to trust your instincts and stop second-guessing your reality—is about reclaiming your power to live authentically.
This is exactly the kind of work I do in Unshakeable Coaching. If you're tired of living by everyone else's rules and ready to trust your own voice again, book a complimentary connection call here, and let's explore how we can help you build unshakeable confidence from the inside out.
Thank You
To everyone who listened or shared their stories—thank you. These conversations need visibility, and your engagement helps break the silence. Special gratitude to Dr. Melissa Kalt for her life-changing work in this field.
If this resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need to hear it. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is help others feel less alone in their experience.
P.S. - Join us for Part 2 of this conversation Monday, June 16th at 1 PM EST, where Dr. Kalt and I will explore how to transform your pain into power. We'll dive deeper into trauma extraction, how trauma lives in the body, and practical steps for the healing journey. If you have specific questions about the recovery process, send them my way before then!
What's Next? - Access previous newsletters and explore more content on authentic living, self-trust, and breaking free from perfectionism in my Substack archive.
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