This is a perfect example of discovering an abuser in a crowd and your friend's behavior was so hurtful. Glad you got out, more young women should see this post.
Thanks so much for sharing your story Sarah-Frances and for being vulnerable. I am glad to know it didn’t go any further than that! My college experience was also not all that I was told it should be. I’m sure there are more that feel this way than we know. ❤️
Grace!! I am so relieved too! I look back and feel lucky that nothing worse happened. I agree with you. There are a lot of us out there who had a similar experience
Wow I’m so proud of that 19 year old girl and I hope you are too. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this - I hope that it can reach more girls who undoubtedly have experienced or will experience the same.
It's funny that you say that, Kensi. After writing this, I debated posting partly because I was NOT proud of that 19 year old girl 😢. I was/(am) embarrassed and confused about how lost I actually was during this part of my life. I will say, I am proud of myself NOW for attempting to make peace with my past. My hope is over time I can become more compassionate to my past self. ❤️
I definitely feel the same about parts of my past. It hasn’t been until recently that I’ve even let myself try to see my younger self in a different, compassionate light. Right there with you 🥰
You are strong and brave for sharing your story, and your strength will give others permission to want better for themselves like you did. So glad to see you decided to put this post up, and I'm sorry to say that I remember some parties just like that back when I was in college, as well. Hope you're doing great, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
It's wild (& awful) how many of us have had similar experiences!! I can't thank you enough for encouraging me to post. I really found your advice useful 🖤
Gave me chills! Though this exact scenario didn’t happen to me, several too similar did — and I’m guessing we are far, far from the only ones. It is brave to tell your story. Hugs.
Ugh Jen! I am so sorry to hear something similar happened to you. I completely agree. This is WAY too common on college campuses. My hope is the more we share, the more this comes to light!
I can’t imagine all the stuff you’ve been through and how hard it was to just push through. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you for advocating for yourself. You really did so you should definitely know you did all you could in the moment, but I remember times in college, where I felt the same way I was pretending I didn’t fit in and I just had to push through and you think everybody else is doing great and you find out later that they had their own issues you were just knowing the moment that it would be nice to know that you’re not alone and as far as your other friend, she sounds like a real asshole lol
Thank you so much, Michelle!! It was all very confusing in that stage of life. Glad that this chapter is behind me. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to trust myself more and choose better friends 😂😊
Yes, that’s a huge part of life I went through some similar experiences, even with my sorority, not really enjoying all the girls I was with and not thinking I chose the right one in terms of being similar to other girls. I’ve also always felt a little bit hyper aware and hypersensitive of my situations which can causeyou to really evaluate a lot of things. What kind of work do you do these days and how old are you?
I can absolutely understand how you ended up here. Just going along with the flow. Not wanting to be the "problem" while everyone else is having fun. And that moment when you see the girl with the mascara running down her face and feel horror... I connect with that so much. I was the girl that went to karaoke at a bar every week for 2 years and stayed sober 90% of the time. When you see people you like get to a place where their eyes are glazed and they aren't making much sense... it's so sad.
Victoria, thank you so much for your comment. I agree, the heavy drinking culture is so strange to me. Also, ‘not wanting to be the problem’ perfectly sums up how I felt. I just couldn’t shake the fear that something was wrong with me. Deep down I think I knew I was just going along with it because everyone else seemed to be having the time of their lives. I worried that if I didn’t, I’d lose friendships or, even worse, that it meant there was something fundamentally flawed in me. So glad we have come out on the other side 🫶💕
Alcohol can definitely make people feel like they are having the "time of their lives" while they are actually just losing themselves. Especially in college, where the attitude so often is that you are supposed to party, which means you can't possibly be drinking too much. Stats are showing, though, that each generation drinks less than the last. Non-alcoholic beer is fast becoming a billion dollar industry.
You literally have so much talent for writing. I have been on edge throughout the whole story, even though I've been reading it in a weird non-chronological order. Incredible. I feel for that girl, she was in such a toxic environment, never should any person ever be treated like that. I'm so glad you've come out the other end. How courageous of you to share this. Thank you <3
This may be one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever received! Thank you for sharing this with me ❤️. I’m so grateful my 20s are over and I made it out alive 😂
Sarah-Frances, thank you for beginning to share your story. You are brave and thoughtful. I hope that the care you showed to fellow women like me at grad school will reflect back to both current you and your past self - you deserve compassion, care, and kindness.
Good for you!! You could - in fact - trust your instincts!! We all seem to run into a similar guy or similar situation in our first years at university. Sigh…
You were right - an abusive domineering sleezebag. 😕
What a nightmare.I so sorry you had to endure this but I’m glad you’re writing about it. Keep it up. Other young women need to know that situations and people like this are not acceptable. Not worth the trouble. Better to flee what others think is ok and be yourself.
I recognize that hollow feeling, the relief of the empty dorm room. I’m glad you were able to stand up for yourself and muster up the courage to walk away. It took me a while to find my voice.
This is a perfect example of discovering an abuser in a crowd and your friend's behavior was so hurtful. Glad you got out, more young women should see this post.
Thank you, Jennifer! Yes, tbh, I think the thing I was MOST hurt by was my friend's behavior. I appreciate you reading <3
Thanks so much for sharing your story Sarah-Frances and for being vulnerable. I am glad to know it didn’t go any further than that! My college experience was also not all that I was told it should be. I’m sure there are more that feel this way than we know. ❤️
Grace!! I am so relieved too! I look back and feel lucky that nothing worse happened. I agree with you. There are a lot of us out there who had a similar experience
Wow I’m so proud of that 19 year old girl and I hope you are too. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this - I hope that it can reach more girls who undoubtedly have experienced or will experience the same.
It's funny that you say that, Kensi. After writing this, I debated posting partly because I was NOT proud of that 19 year old girl 😢. I was/(am) embarrassed and confused about how lost I actually was during this part of my life. I will say, I am proud of myself NOW for attempting to make peace with my past. My hope is over time I can become more compassionate to my past self. ❤️
I definitely feel the same about parts of my past. It hasn’t been until recently that I’ve even let myself try to see my younger self in a different, compassionate light. Right there with you 🥰
I try to remind myself that I was doing the best I knew how at that time in my life.
You are strong and brave for sharing your story, and your strength will give others permission to want better for themselves like you did. So glad to see you decided to put this post up, and I'm sorry to say that I remember some parties just like that back when I was in college, as well. Hope you're doing great, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
It's wild (& awful) how many of us have had similar experiences!! I can't thank you enough for encouraging me to post. I really found your advice useful 🖤
Gave me chills! Though this exact scenario didn’t happen to me, several too similar did — and I’m guessing we are far, far from the only ones. It is brave to tell your story. Hugs.
Ugh Jen! I am so sorry to hear something similar happened to you. I completely agree. This is WAY too common on college campuses. My hope is the more we share, the more this comes to light!
By the way, I subscribed to you, can you please subscribe back?
Sure I would love too!!
I really love your authenticity and what you said how old are you now
Wow!
That was one hell of a story!
I can’t imagine all the stuff you’ve been through and how hard it was to just push through. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you for advocating for yourself. You really did so you should definitely know you did all you could in the moment, but I remember times in college, where I felt the same way I was pretending I didn’t fit in and I just had to push through and you think everybody else is doing great and you find out later that they had their own issues you were just knowing the moment that it would be nice to know that you’re not alone and as far as your other friend, she sounds like a real asshole lol
Thank you so much, Michelle!! It was all very confusing in that stage of life. Glad that this chapter is behind me. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to trust myself more and choose better friends 😂😊
Yes, that’s a huge part of life I went through some similar experiences, even with my sorority, not really enjoying all the girls I was with and not thinking I chose the right one in terms of being similar to other girls. I’ve also always felt a little bit hyper aware and hypersensitive of my situations which can causeyou to really evaluate a lot of things. What kind of work do you do these days and how old are you?
I can absolutely understand how you ended up here. Just going along with the flow. Not wanting to be the "problem" while everyone else is having fun. And that moment when you see the girl with the mascara running down her face and feel horror... I connect with that so much. I was the girl that went to karaoke at a bar every week for 2 years and stayed sober 90% of the time. When you see people you like get to a place where their eyes are glazed and they aren't making much sense... it's so sad.
Victoria, thank you so much for your comment. I agree, the heavy drinking culture is so strange to me. Also, ‘not wanting to be the problem’ perfectly sums up how I felt. I just couldn’t shake the fear that something was wrong with me. Deep down I think I knew I was just going along with it because everyone else seemed to be having the time of their lives. I worried that if I didn’t, I’d lose friendships or, even worse, that it meant there was something fundamentally flawed in me. So glad we have come out on the other side 🫶💕
Alcohol can definitely make people feel like they are having the "time of their lives" while they are actually just losing themselves. Especially in college, where the attitude so often is that you are supposed to party, which means you can't possibly be drinking too much. Stats are showing, though, that each generation drinks less than the last. Non-alcoholic beer is fast becoming a billion dollar industry.
You literally have so much talent for writing. I have been on edge throughout the whole story, even though I've been reading it in a weird non-chronological order. Incredible. I feel for that girl, she was in such a toxic environment, never should any person ever be treated like that. I'm so glad you've come out the other end. How courageous of you to share this. Thank you <3
This may be one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever received! Thank you for sharing this with me ❤️. I’m so grateful my 20s are over and I made it out alive 😂
You literally sound like me 🤣 I’m happy to have made it through my 20s. I don’t want to go back. They were dark times 🤭
Sarah-Frances, thank you for beginning to share your story. You are brave and thoughtful. I hope that the care you showed to fellow women like me at grad school will reflect back to both current you and your past self - you deserve compassion, care, and kindness.
Oh Autumn!! I so appreciate you reading. Grad school was such a healing experience for me. Hope you are welll 🫶🫶
Good for you!! You could - in fact - trust your instincts!! We all seem to run into a similar guy or similar situation in our first years at university. Sigh…
You were right - an abusive domineering sleezebag. 😕
The fact that this is such a common experience is very concerning!! Power loses its grip in the light
Sarah-Frances, you are such a good writer! KEEP GOING!! You’re bound to get more paid subscribers!
Debbie!!! This made my night! I am still very insecure about my writing so this means the world to me. Thank you for the boost of confidence ❤️❤️
This series makes me feel seen. Thanks for writing this down. 💔
Oh Zoe. Thank you for commenting. It reassures me that I made the right decision posting. I SEE you!! Thank you for reading my work!! 💕
This makes my heart so happy. Thank you for supporting my work.
What a nightmare.I so sorry you had to endure this but I’m glad you’re writing about it. Keep it up. Other young women need to know that situations and people like this are not acceptable. Not worth the trouble. Better to flee what others think is ok and be yourself.
Thank you so much so much Donna Gay! I appreciate you reading ❤️
I recognize that hollow feeling, the relief of the empty dorm room. I’m glad you were able to stand up for yourself and muster up the courage to walk away. It took me a while to find my voice.